The Oddysee of the Employee of the Year
by Griselda Banks
Summary: In which an unlikely hero frees his people, defeats his enemies, and discovers his destiny. Novelipoem of Abe's Oddysee.


Hello.  
My name is Abe.  
I used to work at RuptureFarms -  
Well, really I was a slave -  
At a meat-processing plant  
With only ten casualties a day.  
RuptureFarms is the biggest  
(Or so they say).  
We Mudokons had to work there  
While the Sligs prowled around,  
And if we worked too slow  
They'd beat us to the ground.  
But we thought this was normal;  
We didn't find it queer,  
For work was all we knew,  
And orders were all we'd hear.  
I didn't know  
That once, Mudokons were free.  
I never guessed  
What it was like outside the factory.  
I was pleased with my life.  
I had nothing to fear.  
I worked hard; I was even  
Employee of the Year.  
But my whole life changed  
In just one day.  
I crossed Molluck the Glukkon,  
And I would have to pay.

We used to make Meech Munchies,  
Until the Meeches were through.  
We still made Paramite Pies,  
And we made some good Scrab Cakes too.  
I thought I had a good job,  
But that was before I knew.  
What I soon overheard  
Shook me through and through.  
How we'd make 'New and Tasty,'  
I was still to find.  
The truth, it turned out,  
Now _that _would blow my mind.  
The Glukkons were scared,  
'Cause profits were grim.  
Paramites and Scrabs  
Had been turning up thin.  
But Molluck was cool.  
He had a plan.  
The boss of RuptureFarms  
Came up with something grand.  
They'd chop _us _up,  
And the new 'Mudokon-on-a-Stick'  
Would bring up their profits.  
That would do the trick.

I just had to escape,  
I just had to be free;  
I didn't even know  
I had a destiny.  
But some Sligs came running  
With a yell and a shout.  
They'd seen me on the security camera  
And knew what I'd found out.  
So I ran from the Sligs  
Who wanted me dead.  
Molluck had told them  
To bring him my head.  
I fled for my life  
Through all of RuptureFarms,  
Jumping over mines  
And tripping loud alarms.  
But as I fled, I saw  
Mudokons just like me.  
They, too, were slaves,  
So I thought to set them free.  
I did this by chanting,  
Teleporting them away,  
To the jungle outside  
To live another day.  
At last I found the way  
To get out of that place -  
Though when I rushed out,  
I fell flat on my face.  
When I got to my feet,  
I found myself at the start  
Of a deadly minefield.  
How quickly beat my heart!  
So I crossed the minefield  
Using all of my skill,  
To escape from some Slogs  
Who rushed in for the kill.

I had just got past those Slogs  
When the strangest thing I saw:  
A big moon was before me  
And its face...looked like my paw!  
I slipped and fell down a cliff  
And smashed my head,  
When this Big-Face appeared  
And told me I was dead.  
Said our land was changing;  
Was imbalanced, at best.  
He told me my fate  
Was to rescue the rest.  
For Paramites and Scrabs  
Had been sacred once,  
Before RuptureFarms  
Turned them into lunch.  
Now they live in the temples;  
That's where they still nest.  
And facing these creatures  
Would be my double test.

As I passed through the first temple,  
I saw Paramites in the wild,  
Living in joy and freedom  
As they had before I was a child.  
Then I saw what we did:  
We ignored their cries.  
We snatched them from their homes,  
Cut 'em up for tasty pies.  
I thought about RuptureFarms,  
And as I realized Mudokons would be too,  
Tears filled my eyes.  
We too had been captured,  
Enslaved and beaten.  
And now we'd be cooked,  
Chopped up and eaten.  
That was why the Paramites  
Struck no fear in me:  
I had to get past them  
To set my brethren free.  
So when I emerged at last,  
I felt stronger than ever  
And the Big-Face told me  
That I'd been very clever.  
He chanted a chant  
And I saw a bright light,  
Then on my hand a scar  
In the shape of a Paramite.  
The Big-Face said I'd learned much  
During my quest.  
He said I'd been brave,  
And passed my first test.  
This handscar would help me,  
For more dangers await.  
I would need its full power  
To complete my fate.

The second temple was the same:  
I saw Scrabs safe in the wild,  
Before the hunters came,  
Before their race was defiled.  
Now they're cut and ground,  
Mashed into little cakes;  
Their lives wiped out,  
Scrabs destroyed for profit's sake.  
I didn't want to hurt them  
As the Glukkons had before me,  
But they shrieked and charged,  
Thinking I was the enemy.  
I tried to sneak past,  
Creeping on my toes,  
And when they turned around,  
Like a statue, I froze!  
But sometimes I had to kill them  
Because there was no other choice.  
I watched them twitch and die,  
Calling with a gurgling voice.  
I felt sorry for them -  
Those poor, ugly creatures  
Who had such clumsy bodies  
And such fearsome features.  
But still, there was a beauty  
In the way they lived so free.  
I hoped I would be the same,  
And live here eternally.  
I felt plain awful  
Every time I killed one,  
Because I saw when they died  
That I was like a Glukkon.  
Hoping to be pardoned,  
I rushed out of that place  
And saw that once again  
I stood in front of Big-Face.  
Again he started chanting,  
And lightning shot out  
From his clasped paws;  
I began to scream and shout.  
The lightning carved on my hand a scar,  
And it really hurt a lot,  
But then I saw it was a Scrab  
And the pain I soon forgot.

My test was completed.  
I expected to rest.  
Then the Big-Face revealed  
The intent of my quest.  
The two scars together,  
On the back of each hand,  
Could shut down RuptureFarms  
And restore the lost land.  
The Big-Face showed me  
What the hand scars were for.  
What once was just a chant  
Now became something more.  
I turned into a monster  
Whose snarling face was frightening.  
I could blast mines and Sligs  
With my fierce lightning.  
Big-Face called it the Shrykull -  
Half Scrab, half Paramite.  
It made me feel strong,  
And I was a fearsome sight.  
With hand scars complete,  
The spirits took form.  
Now my chant had power;  
RuptureFarms should be warned!

I returned to RuptureFarms.  
Let me tell you, I was frightened!  
'Cause there were Sligs all over,  
And security had been tightened.  
I thought it would be easy,  
Since I'd already been through.  
But they'd added more mines  
And a lot more Sligs, too.  
What used to just take minutes  
Now lasted hours,  
Even with the help  
Of my newfound Shrykull powers.  
The Sligs didn't know what to do,  
'Cause all their plans I'd botched  
Fell to pieces before their eyes  
While Molluck the Glukkon watched.  
He sent more Sligs to get me;  
My head was about to be chopped,  
But I reached the big switch first  
And the whole factory just stopped!  
I'd turned off all the power  
That went to the factory.  
The lights all went dark  
So I could hardly see.

The Sligs surrounded me  
And I thought I was dead meat,  
But they just hit me on the head  
And grabbed me by my feet,  
Then dragged me to a cell  
Where they hung me by my paws.  
They laughed their cruel laughs  
And jabbed me with their claws.  
Then they all scurried away  
To get Molluck, their boss  
Who clutched a big cigar  
In a mouth that was always cross.  
Tired of chasing me,  
Molluck had had enough.  
He intended to show me  
That I was not so tough.  
He leered triumphantly;  
He grinned and he chuckled.  
If I'd been on my feet,  
My knees would have buckled.  
He said he'd show Mudokons  
What happened to deserters:  
He'd grind me up and turn me  
Into long strings of frankfurters.  
I pleaded with all my might,  
'Cause I didn't want to die.  
I didn't want to end up  
As chunks in someone's pie.  
But Molluck didn't listen;  
He'd had enough of me.  
He told his Slig, "Do it!",  
Ignored my every plea.  
But as the Slig touched the lever  
That would silence my sorry cries,  
He began to scream and shake  
As lightning split the skies.  
The Slig was pretty well cooked;  
Next was Molluck's turn.  
The lightning shook him too,  
And all his clothes were burned.  
In a heap lay Molluck,  
Dead and defeated at last.  
I stared with open mouth;  
It had all happened so fast!  
I found out later  
That the Mudokons I had freed  
Had saved my sorry hide  
When Big-Face saw my need.  
They'd chanted up a storm  
In their freedom and gratitude.  
They didn't want their hero  
To become Glukkon food.  
Soon Big-Face appeared  
In my dank and grimy cell  
To teleport me out of there,  
And make sure all was well.  
He took me to the jungle  
Where all free Mudokons met.  
And that was a day  
I'll never, never forget,  
'Cause that was the day  
All Mudokons became free.  
They let up a cheer  
For Abe the Hero - and that's me!


End file.
